Posts Tagged ‘bjorn bear’

It’s true. I am that writer this year. My second novel, Lie Lay Lain, was due to my publisher back in *mumblemumble* but then it got to be *mumblemumble* and it still wasn’t done. In truth, I’m embarrassed at how long it took me to finish this book, particularly in light of the fact that I originally started it in 2005. I’ve managed to finish six books and start four others in the last seven years, but for some reason this book was taking forever.

Sometimes you can’t provide yourself with the proper motivation on your own. That’s where friends come in. Specifically my friend Clovia, who has many aliases, but who has now assumed the mantle of Crafty One. Bitch is crafty, yo.

While I was wading through the swamps of Lie Lay Lain, the Crafty One began to send me chocolate. At first the chocolate was a bribe. If I wrote, I got chocolate. Eventually, when the writing began to stand up for itself, and no longer had to be cajoled out of me, the chocolate was a reward. At each major milestone, I got more chocolate.

At last, at long last, I finished a draft of the book I wasn’t ashamed to send to my publisher. These things inevitably occasion revisions. (Why can’t a book ever come out right the first time. WHYYYY?) As I settle into revision, however, I received my final package from the Crafty One. What could it be?


I removed the contents of the package under strict instructions to open the boxes in order.

In box number: a tuxedo and evening gown clad audience of chocolate squares.

In box #1: my admiring audience

In box #1: my admiring audience

In box #2: this evening’s hosts.

In box #2: black tie presenters

In box #2: black tie presenters

In box #3: my major award (it’s FRAGILE!)

In box #3: my award

In box #3: my award

The Crafty One is calling this the Bjorn Bear Award for Best Performance by a Writer Who Didn’t Wanna. And it was true, for many months, I dragged my feet on finishing the book. Often because I didn’t wanna come face to face with possible failure.


A major award!

Of course, here’s a shot of the ceremony as it unfolded:

The envelope, please.

The envelope, please.

As great as the awards ceremony is, though, everybody knows the real fun takes place at the after-parties.



Even though it may just be you and your laptop or you and your Clairefontaine journal when the heavy lifting gets done, sometimes it takes more than just a writer to finish a book. It takes a whole village. Or at least a whole village worth of chocolate bears.

I post this magnificent project for two reasons:

1.) To make you insanely jealous. Seriously, can you believe she made all of this and sent it to me?

2.) To remind you that friendship is still the most amazing thing that can happen between two people. Thanks, Clovia. Those times when there was just the one set of footprints in the sand, I know it was you pushing my drunk ass in a wheelbarrow.

*Of course, this is only the annual awarding of Most Reluctant Writer. The lifetime achievement awards go to far more reluctant writers than I.

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