Last week, there was a bit of a dust up about All the Ugly and Wonderful Things on social media. I did my best to stay out of it, but having stayed out of it, I’d like to address the issue very briefly here and without naming names.
It’s okay to hate my book. Not every book is for everybody.
If you read my book and you hate it, that’s fine. We’re square, you and me. I brought myself to the book. You brought yourself to the book. Perhaps we’re just not compatible. That’s cool.
If you choose not to read my book, because of things you have heard about it, that’s okay, too. I often give books a pass if they sound like something I wouldn’t want to read.
If you choose not to read my book, but then publicly express your hatred for it and for anyone who enjoyed it, understand that your hatred is coming from a place of ignorance. Are you comfortable with being that person? Someone who hates something out of ignorance? Someone who judges people without knowing who they are or what they’ve been through?
On a nearly daily basis, I am called upon by strangers to defend All the Ugly and Wonderful Things. And if they were merely asking me to defend my book, I might not be so troubled, but this morning, I have yet another email that asks, “Why would you write a book like this?”
I suspect that the real question is Why do you exist? Within that question about my existence, there are these questions: Why did you choose to have a drug dealer as your father? Why did you experience things that make me uncomfortable? Why do you think you have a right to tell stories that reflect your life? Why don’t you shut up?
The answer is simple. I won’t shut up, because if people like you have the right to tell and read stories that reflect what you’ve experienced, people like me have the right to tell and read stories that reflect what we’ve experienced. I’m going to keep doing that.
Bryn Greenwood 
Your book touched on a life that was not mine, but people in that life lived down the road from us and we all rode the school bus together. I learned early on that some people had it harder than others and survival was a lot of work. This book reminded me of the kids I got to know and then one day, would be gone.
I finished the book last night and put it up on the shelf next to your two others. Thank you for putting yourself out there for the rest of us.
Thanks, Amy. I feel like that’s the role of fiction: to help us know people outside our place in the world. That’s why it makes me so mad when some people want to shut that down.
Now I’ve got to go search social media for the flame wars.
HA! Someone sent me a link when it all happened, and I basically poked my head in to see, and then slowly backed out of the room.
I’m picturing you like that gif of Homer Simpson fading back into the hedge.
LOL! That is not inaccurate…
The book world on social media is a funny thing. There are those who love to read something ‘edgy’ as long as it’s their idea of edgy and have a checklist of elements they will read and what they will reject immediately. I guess that’s ok, but not taking a chance keeps them in a pretty narrow box. They judge without understanding and comment without civility.
I’ve recommended this book to those who I know have an open-mind and are going to understand the complexity of it; passed on the ones who I know just aren’t going to get it. This is a beautiful story and anyone who can’t see that, misses the point.
I hope you know how many readers absolutely loved this book and hope you keep writing what’s in your head and heart.
Thankfully, I have seen enough positive responses to the book that I don’t take the negative ones personally.
I haven’t read the book yet (I’m going to, I promise!) but it seems the word “Ugly” was lost on the haters.
Or they were expecting a different kind of ugly? Or they’re looking for something to hate on?
I suspect the latter is more true than we might care to admit.
Just bought your book based on this post. Don’t know if I will like your book, but I certainly like your spirit. Books are a way to travel geographically, culturally, historically, futuristically and emotionally. One of the best books I ever read had me crying hysterically at its conclusion. Comfortable? No. Wrenching? Yes. Wonderful? Yes. Did it help me become more empathetic? Yes. Others may choose another path, but I choose to challenge my world view as often as I can. Books are one of the ways I do that and it takes authors choosing to push boundaries and making themselves vulnerable for that to happen. Thank you.
Thanks for taking a chance, Caroline. I love books that rattle me or force me to look at something from a different angle.
Bryn, I am not going to lie, I had not heard of you or your book until the dust up last week, but I will be checking it out now!
Well, they say there’s no such thing as bad press, so I’m trying to view it all from that perspective.
This was why I didn’t write a review of ATUAWT on Goodreads, as much as I loved it. I was concerned some dumbass from work—I’m an employee of a large public school district—would see it and interpret it to mean I support statutory rape/child molestation/child marriage. (The latter is a particularly sensitive topic among Indian women, and a number of my coworkers are female and from India.) You would think people who work at a school would be more insightful and intelligent: but just glancing at their Facebook pages made me flee the place. (How can you work at a public school, a government institution, and support Trump?) Many of them don’t bother to read novels, let alone books with a remotely controversial theme. They do read tabloid fodder and pass along the most crass and gossipy news articles, especially the ones about child kidnapping and rape. As a parent, I do get the concern others feel about the subject, but the English major in me is disturbed that there can be no grey area, no room for thoughtful interpretation.
Speaking here as HG, let me say ATUAWT is a beautifully written novel. People who condemn it without having read it are missing a sweet love story and a portrayal of two fascinating characters.
To me that was the worst part of last week’s incident. I don’t mind having the hate aimed at me, but last week it was aimed at people who’d written positive reviews of the book. Just readers. Just regular people who thought there was something valuable in the book. So I totally get why readers might hesitate to say anything about it, when there are people who’d be happy to sling mud at them.
Of course, I’m still totally floored that anyone thinks my book “glorifies” or “promotes” statutory rape/child marriage, when the consequences in the book are so serious.
I read this book months ago, and I consider it to be one of my favorite reads. I love that this story does not follow what is deemed to be the “norm” in society. Showing the reader that it is possible to find love in the darkest of places, and beauty is truly within the eye of the beholder.
Thanks, Nicole. And the reality is that when you’re in a dark place, you’ll take whatever love you can get.
I read your book, I loved your book, the writing was stunning, the story harrowing, it pushed my boundaries, it made me uncomfortable, but that is the joy of reading, pushing your limits. I took into account the year it was set, how life was different in the Seventies and how times have changed. I know it happens, obviously you know it happens because this is your story, but even before I knew it was your story, I knew it happened. Not all stories are rainbows and unicorns but it is their story to be told and everyone deserves their voice. It is your choice to open a book, it is your choice to DNF or to finish, you don’t have to turn those pages, but to publicly shame a book you have not read is not on. This was a bad case of chinese whispers, people picking up on one aspect without knowing the full picture. This book was seriously amazing, one of my top reads of the year and I read a lot. This book is one I will never forget and will no doubt re-read. This story touched me, no matter how hard the subject matter, this was Wavy’s story and she deserved for it to be told.
Thanks, Donna. To me, there are far more troubling things in the book than the relationship that is the focus of all the upset, but then we are a culture that finds sex offensive and violence acceptable.
But these people slander whatever they don’t understand….Jude 1:10
You know, even the Bible had its critics. Keep your head held high, Bryn Greenwood. I mean, you wrote a fucking BOOK! I’m sure those who criticize haven’t accomplished that!
Huh. Social media is so freaking weird. It brings out the worst of the worst.
I loved ATUAWT. I am extremely empathetic, so reading (and just thinking) about the lives that so many are forced to live can bring me down.
But, I was inspired by your book. The pure strength and persistence of Wavy. The patience, the way that Kellen lived through what he had to, yet still kept going in his life. I have nothing but admiration for them. (Yes, they feel like real people).
People that can’t step out of their lives enough to see that so many other people are caught in lives not of their choosing, are very closed down, limited people.
Yes, social media is so weird. It’s why I opted to just stay away from the eye of the storm. What I have to say is really in the book, and that’s what I’m sticking to.
Beautiful response and good for you. F&*K ignorant people and their need to tear others down.
My hope for them is that they’ll finally meet someone who can open their world up a little. It couldn’t possibly hurt.
I absolutely loved this book. I think the fact that it makes the reader uncomfortable is a great and beautiful thing. Life isn’t always comfortable, and you explored that in an amazing way. I also loved that Wavy was so quiet yet she had a loud presence at the same time. I feel like most movies/books/shows celebrate loud outgoing characters. It’s nice to see a quiet character who is loved deeply by another. Please keep writing books like this. There’s no doubt you gained a lot of fans from this book, we’re just not quite as loud as the haters sometimes 😉
Introverts unite! (but quietly, in our own homes 😉 Thankfully, a lot of people stood up to answer the haters, and that’s a lovely thing.
I missed the drama, but that’s an intelligent, composed, and rational response. Go, Bryn! I think your book is a beautiful work of art. I understand it’s not for everyone, but it is for me, and for many others who are willing to give it a fair shake.
Thanks, Jan. I feel like there are so many books in the world that I’m always surprised when people focus on the ones they don’t like.
I completely missed the drama (thankfully) but I just wanted to chime in and say that this is a very classy and reasonable response so thank you for that, and I loveloveloved ATUAWT – it was so stunning and (for me) quite evocative. I read it last month and I’m still thinking about it. TBH I could talk about it for hours – I’ve been recommending it to people I know mainly so I can have someone to dish with haha.
I think that’s a totally reasonable approach to recommending books–to lure people into reading books that you need to discuss. It’s what I always do.
This all points to the general issue going on with social media that everyone has to take personal offense at almost anything going on in the world. My goodness, just move on to something else, people.
The only book I finished that I absolutely hated was “The Informants.” I think that’s what it’s called. The person who picked it for book club didn’t even show up to discuss. It’s a book club legend. Haha. The book got worse and worse and there were no sympathetic characters. Did I send the author hate mail? No, I threw the book in the trash. I kind of felt bad about that, but the book had no redeeming qualities and I wanted to take some vengeance on it.
I found your book compelling and enjoyed meeting all the characters. I didn’t put up a review becaus I’m really bad about getting around to such things.
It was The Informers. It was even made into a movie. Blargh.
Now I want to find a way to use that phrase: “the stuff of book club legend.” 😉
Oh, and I’m pretty sure that about 90% of my hate mail is from people who have not read the book. It’s usually obvious from the things they say about it.
This book was absolutely brilliant. I will not soon forget it.
Thanks, Linda!
As for the controversy, I think people miss the forest for the trees. I thought this book was multi-layered and was genuinely genuine. Bravo!
I definitely feel like a lot of people are focused on a single element in the book to the exclusion of everything else the book is about. But I don’t get to tell people what to think about my book. That’s the joy of reading–you get to draw your own conclusions.
I loved your book! One of the best I have read in a long time. And I love your response here. I’m a psych professor who is often trying to help my students understand that just because something makes them uncomfortable, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be talked about.
Certainly in terms of issues like consent, I feel like the more uncomfortable the topic makes us the more important it is to discuss it. Our culture didn’t get to the place we are by discussing consent TOO much, but too little.
I read your book and had to come revisit this post, since it’s probably the only book I’ve read this year (released this year) that I’ve actually given a 5-star rating. Did it give me warm fuzzies? No. Was I glued to the story with loads of hope for these two people? Yes.
And it made me think a lot about how everyone is different, and that (legal issues aside) age and maturity are not the same thing.
My own parents–nearly 23 and barely 15–were not of legal ages to “be together”. Yet, they were legally married which apparently makes everything okay regardless of age. And I was born 11 and a half months later, so it wasn’t a matter of them “having to” get married like things used to be. Something to think about…
That’s often one of the things that I turn over in my mind, that age of consent and age of marriage are two separate things, as though the mere fact of getting married makes you mature enough for sex, when you wouldn’t otherwise be. It’s because culturally, we still place such a premium on marriage.
I just finished your book on the 1st, and it was incredible. I reviewed it here, if you’re so inclined to take a peek: https://5171milesbookblog.wordpress.com/2017/01/03/all-the-ugly-and-wonderful-things-review/. I couldn’t properly convey what this book meant to me in words, but I hope my review did your work a little bit of justice! I can’t wait to read more by you! -Ashley
The haters are just like the true villains in your book, judgmental and ignorant, and I say ignorant because, if they truly read it, they missed the facts that made this the most beautiful, tragic, profound love story I’ve EVER read. I’m so mad at myself because I fell prey and listened to the haters. I bought this book when it was on sale, then sent it to the cloud when the talk of “rape” involving a child was mentioned. I don’t know why, but 2 days ago, it started calling me, yelling at me actually, so much that I couldn’t concentrate on the book I was trying to read, so I gave in and started reading. Oh, it was hard for me at first. The abuse and neglect by the parents, the first villains, was difficult. But I’m rambling. I loved and will never forget Kellan and Wavy. NEVER. YOU keep doing what you do, and ignore the haters.
I’m so glad you were able to come to it with an open heart. For some people, there is safety in judgment and indignation, but they forget that while this is fiction, there are real live people who live these lives. It reminds me a great deal of how hateful and judgmental people can be about Vili Fualaau, even though he is a grown man, now.
I commend you on writing this tremendous book on such a difficult topic. You are changing the way people think and that is amazing!
Thank you for reading!