My first two books were published by a small press, and as such, I was given some input into the decision about whether or not to have my photograph on the back cover. My answer was very firmly NO.
Like many folks, I am not fond of having my picture taken, but I believe I am exceptionally not photogenic, even among that crowd. I don’t mean that I’m hideous. I’m just very difficult to take a decent picture of, as several of my photographer friends can vouch for. “These photos don’t even look like you!” is a frequent refrain. Accompanied by such plaints as, “Why can’t you keep both your eyes open?” and “If you could just keep your face still,” and the always amusing, “Uh, can you, uh, do … something with your hair.” (Answer: No. I’m not the boss of my hair.)
So when I was first asked for my official author photo by the lovely people at St. Martin’s Press, I delayed. I wasn’t lying when I said, “I don’t have anything appropriate.” Boy, did I not have anything appropriate. The closest thing I had to an author photo was fifteen years old. The most recent photos of me all featured various angles of my dogs and cats (frequently their butts), and me giving the camera a googly-eye, or half a snaggle-tooth, or the Flehmen response. As you do.
Now, I could have set out the very next day in pursuit of a contemporary author photo, but I didn’t. Instead, like the worst chess player in the world, I engaged in the Fat Girl’s Gambit. There’s something about being obese that works like a pause button on certain portions of your life. You find yourself thinking, I’ll do that after I lose this weight. You hate to buy new clothes, because you’re going to lose that weight! You are. You have a plan. Or plans. Or notebooks full of plans and inspirational quotes.
So back in September, when I was asked for an author photo, I said to myself, “Self, you are going to lose this weight before you have your picture taken.” And I did lose a lot of the weight, but then I regained most of it, because that’s the danger of the Fat Girl’s Gambit. It’s too often an open-ended game with a long view, and you’re stuck in the present.
This is where I found myself on Monday, when St. Martin’s emailed me again to say, “So, about that author photo.” Oof. Chickens coming home to roost on this fat girl.
I did the only thing I could do. I disassembled my dining room and my office to create a suitably literary backdrop, and then I called the skinniest, craziest friend I have. Because that’s how the world works. If you’re feeling fat and you’re forcing yourself to take pictures, you will invariably need the help of that friend who is always trying to gain weight.
As proof of how little the camera loves me, out of 400+ photos, we found four that we thought were acceptable. Of those four, this is the one that reached the middle ground between “menacing” and “dreamy.” This is the official author photo coming to a bookstore near you.
I really like your photo, so there!
I am greatly relieved. It turned out better than I’d hoped. Just realized I maybe should have photoshopped out the teacup hooks you can see inside the china hutch…
I didn’t even notice the hooks till you mentioned them. It’s a great shot!
I didn’t notice them either until I posted it here. Thanks! I had to use the china hutch because all my bookcases are mounted from the ceiling.
Great photo! Although I do love the book-smelling photo. It gives me the giggles. So I guess it doesn’t achieve the “menacing/dreamy” combo you were going for, which the second photo does.
The “book smelling” photo makes you look like a shy, charming teenager, imho. I realize a grown woman may not appreciate the comparison, but it’s not as bad as you claim. 🙂
But NOBODY likes seeing themselves in a photograph. There’s supposedly a scientific explanation for that
http://www.wired.com/2015/01/whats-up-with-pictures-yourself/
but I think it’s because our eyes tend to gravitate to whatever we this is our faults: the overbite in one’s smile, the acne scars on the right cheek, the teapot handle ears, and ‘why the hell did I pick THAT color to wear that night?’ A stranger will view the whole portrait without focusing on one detail, and chances are will think the person in the picture is attractive.
The cup hooks in the shelf—y’know, if you hadn’t pointed them out, I never would have noticed. 😉 You look great!
Ah, but only your nearest and dearest will tell you when you look like crap. You can’t trust acquaintances or coworkers or strangers.
This photo is fantastic, and you look great!
I don’t like photos of myself, either, and I’ve decided that part of it is because they’re reversed from what I see in the mirror, so it doesn’t really feel like “me” in the photo. (Plus, I just hate having my picture taken. 😛 )
I’m not convinced the mirror thing is at work for me, because I only look in the mirror rarely. I only have one in my house. And with the magic of photoshop, you can flip all your pictures. Having done that with several from this shoot, I conclude that I really just don’t do well in front of the camera. (See: flehmen response. Why in the world would I ever make that face knowing it was for the camera?) But I am super relieved at how my official photo turned out!
(I refer to the serious pose. The book-smelling pose made me LOL!)
You look lovely (not menacing)!
Yes, no one approved of the menacing photo.
lol between menacing and dreamy!! It'[s a great photo for sure but I don’t know that I’d have recognized you! (and that is not an insult at all, I think you know what I mean) I do like the first one, hahahaha!
See? That’s exactly my photo problem. I am often not recognizable in photos. Like I’ve hired a stunt double.
This post reminded me that some time ago I won a copy of your book Last Will and I have yet to read or review it. Therefore, it’s next on my TBR!
I hope you enjoy it!
Classy photo!
That’s me! Totally classy!
From another person who HATES being photographed, I loved this post! The picture of you for the book cover is truly beautiful, but I might always think of you as the apparently skinny, scary girl with the braids. I realized that actually I know you from your novels and that one’s writing is only another “picture” of a person.
Can’t wait for the next novel!
I am also still somehow the scowling girl with braids. Amazing how we carry so many iterations of ourselves around. New book will likely be 2016, but they haven’t given me a firm date yet.