I’m playing along with Teaser Tuesday this week, so here’s a little excerpt from Ugly and the Beast. A rare moment in which Axyl restrains himself.
***
“Oh, things is bad here, too. The water coming out that tap right there, it don’t be fit to drink half the time,” Aquena said.
“It’s all them chemicals,” I said. “You got any idea how much pesticides and fertilizers farmers put on crops? When I was a kid, we had a whole goddamn barn full of them chemical drums, and we’d spray it on like you wouldn’t believe. Then every time it rains, that shit runs right down into the aquifer. That’s what’s in your water.”
The kid leaned over to Mervin and whispered something. Mervin smiled and said, “That just the way he talk, little man.” Seeing that I’d caught him, he said, “He think it funny you talk whiter than his daddy. You know, cuz yew tawk lack uh cowboy.”
“How come that’s funny, kid?”
“You not a real cowboy,” Wynton said.
“How do you figure? I can ride a horse and rope a steer. Can you?”
“No.”
“Well, I guess that makes me a real cowboy, don’t it?”
“But you sound funny.”
“You know what, Wynton?” I put down the rib I’d been gnawing on and wiped my hands off. “I killed guys for less than that.”
Mervin, Wynton, and Aquena laughed, but Smiley didn’t. Neither did I.
“Really?” Wynton said, his big brown eyes going back and forth between me and Smiley.
“Yeah, really.”
Still laughing, Aquena swatted my arm and said, “Don’t you scare my baby.”
“I’m just shitting you, kid. I never killed nobody for making fun of how I talk. Thought about it a time or two, but I’ma give you a pass, seeing as how you ain’t even outta grade school yet.”
I laughed and everybody else did, too. Except Smiley. He knew me. Maybe I never killed folks over that, but I sent a few guys to the hospital and the dentist.
I love Axyl and I love that they all think he’s joking when just so is not. π
Oh, nice. Great tension and I loved the dialogue. The speech patterns are very distinctive without being annoying. Very well done.
Courtney: Yeah, Axyl had me fooled for a while with his whole “nice guy with a bad temper” act, but he’s really just a bastard.
Tracey: Thanks. The trends have changed soooo much with what’s acceptable in writing dialect, I always feel like I’m on a tightrope. Mark Twain had it easy. π
Count me in on the dialect bandwagon: you did this very well, so I can hear them, but I’m not distracted by a thicket of contractions.
And I love Axyl. Antiheroes are SO hot. π
I love Axyl. Great dialogue, moves along smoothly. Nicely done.
Ah, your dialogue is fantastic and the action beats are concise and work well to get the tone across. I really get a sense for the others in this scene despite my limited view through a 1st person POV, great work.
I’m definitely a member of the Axyl fan club.
The dialogue works really well. Like JM says, I also got a real feel for the others.
Great scene.
Now, if I could just get an agent to join the Axyl Fan Club. π
I know I’m not the best person to read this as a “teaser” but I’m still, as before, fascinated by Axyl. THAT is an amazing accomplishment.
You know I’m already a charter member of the Axyl Fan Club!
Man, accents can be so hard, but you really pulled this off. And I love the tension. This is great!
Your Axyl and my Axel can NEVER meet. Ever. The world would implode.
Maybe it’s just something about guys named Axel/Axyl/Axl.
And that’s one of my favorite dialog exchanges in this book. Moron: “Like Axl Rose?” Axyl: “Yeah, I’m the black Axl Rose. You want my fucking autograph?” (Which with Axyl, I suspect is an offer to get your lights punched out.)
I love Axyl’s character. No, I wouldn’t want to date him necessarily, but he’s such a well-rounded, believable and complex character!
But would you be interested in a one-night stand in a cheap motel? Because that’s what he’s looking for. π